Teen Dating Violence
Teen dating abuse is an epidemic crime impacting almost half of all teens and tweens as both survivors and friends of survivors.
Last year, Liz Claiborne Inc.released a study that outlined how teens and tweens are responding to and experiencing relationship violence. Below are some statistics from the Claiborne study about how dating violence is affecting youth:
- 62% of tweens (age 11-14) who have been in a relationship say they know friends who have been verbally abused (called stupid, worthless, ugly, etc) by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
- More than three times as many tweens (20%) as parents (6%) admit that parents know little or nothing about the tweens’ dating relationships.
- 1 in 3 teenagers report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner.
- Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend had threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a break-up.
- 1 in 4 teenage girls who have been in relationships reveal they have been pressured to perform oral sex or engage in intercourse.
Teens will go to friends first when they are in an unhealthy relationship. If trapped in an abusive relationship, 73% of teens said they would turn to a friend for help; but only 33% who have been in or known about an abusive relationship said they have told anyone about it. Make sure that both you and your teen know how to respond to a survivor of dating abuse.
Working with Teens to Find Resources and Support Friends
Below are tips on how you (or your teen) can help someone who is in an unhealthy relationship:
- Lend a listening ear. Tell your friend that you care and are willing to listen. Don’t force the issue, but allow your friend to confide in you at his/her own pace. Never blame your friend for what is happening or underestimate his/her fear of potential danger. Focus on supporting your friend’s right to make his/her own decisions.
- Become informed. Find out all the facts you can about dating violence. Learn more about domestic/dating violence, what it is, how the cycle of violence is used and statistics.
- Guide your friend to community services. Gather information about dating violence programs in your area. If your friend asks for advice on what he/she should do, share the information you’ve gathered. Encourage him/her to seek assistance.
- If your friend decides to end the relationship. Assist him/her in making a plan to be safe. He/She may want to call a local domestic violence hotline to help create a “safety plan.” Learn more about safety planning.
- Focus on his/her strengths. Your friend has probably continually been told by the abusive person that he/she deserves the abuse and may believe this to be true. Give him/her emotional support. Help him/her examine his/her strengths and skills. Emphasize that he/she deserves a life that is free from violence.
- Lead by example. At this stage in life, youth are learning how to make decisions about all relationships; those with parents, friends, and boyfriends or girlfriends. Promote healthy relationships in your life to teach and encourage healthy decision-making and relationship skills.
- Talk to teens and young adults about healthy relationships. Educate yourself on the warning signs of dating abuse and what a healthy relationship should look like. Share this information with a young person in your life.
- Support teens and youth in their dating relationships and create open, positive communication that encourages honesty. The first person a teen or young adult will go to with a concern about their relationship is a friend or family member. Think about how you would respond to keep the lines of communication open.
- Support education. If you work with a youth group, invite an educator in to discuss the warning signs of dating abuse and how teens can be active bystanders if they see these signs in a friend’s relationship.
- Locate resources. Doorways’ domestic violence program provides an array of services to meet the needs of adults and youth in Arlington who are experiencing domestic violence.
