Patterns of Abuse and the Cycle of Violence
The cycle of violence can happen many times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time in the relationship, with the total cycle taking from a few hours to a year or more to complete. Emotional abuse is present in all three stages.
| Abusers May… | Survivors May… | |
| Phase 1 Tension Builds |
Pick fights Act jealous & possessive Criticize, threaten Drink, use drugs Be moody, unpredictable Be crazy-making |
Feels like s/he walking on eggshells Try to reason with the abuser Try to calm the abuser Try to appease the abuser Keep silent, try to keep children quite Feel afraid and anxious |
| Phase 2 Abusive Incident |
Verbal and Emotional Abuse Sexual Assault Physical Abuse Increase control over money Restrain partner Destroy property |
Experience fear and shock Protects self and children Use self-defense Call for help, pray for it to stop Try to flee, leave Do what is necessary to survive |
| Phase 3 “Honeymoon” |
Ask for forgiveness Promise it won’t happen again Stop drinking, using drugs Go to counseling Be affectionate Initiate intimacy Minimize or deny abuse |
Forgive Return to abusive home Arrange for counseling Feel hopeful Feel manipulated Blame self Minimize or deny abuse |
Adapted from L. Walker, The Battered Woman, Harper and Row, New York, 1980.
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