How to help a friend, family member or co-worker experiencing domestic violence
Let them know that you are concerned for their safety. Help your friend, family member, or co-worker recognize the abuse. Tell them you see what is going on and that you want to help.
Be supportive and acknowledge that the situation is very difficult and scary. Help them recognize that what is happening is not their fault, reassure them that they are not alone, and let them know that there is help and support available. Listen to your friend. Remember it may be difficult for them to talk about the abuse. What they need most is someone who will believe and listen to them.
Be non-judgmental. Respect the decisions of your friend, family member or co-worker. They may leave and return to the relationship many times. Do not criticize their decisions or try to make them feel guilty. They will need your support even more during those times.
If the relationship ends, continue to be supportive. Even though the relationship was abusive, they may still feel sad and lonely once it is over. They will need time to mourn the loss of the relationship and will need your support.
Encourage them to talk to people who can provide help and guidance. Find a local domestic violence agency such as Doorways that provides counseling or support groups. If they need to go to the police, court or a lawyer, offer to go along for moral support.
Remember you cannot “rescue” your friend, family member or co-worker. Although it is difficult to see someone you care about being hurt, ultimately the person being hurt has to be the one to decide they want to do something about it. It’s important for you to support them and help them find a way to safety and peace.
Help them develop a safety plan. Assist in creating a safety plan in the event that they need to flee their home. Below are some suggestions on how one can stay safe:
At Home.
❚ Develop a plan and discuss it with any children in the home. Make sure all family members know how to call 911 in an emergency.
❚ Inform neighbors/landlords to contact local police if the abuser is seen near the home. Devise a code word to use with your children, family, and friends in an emergency.
❚ Decide where you will go if you have to leave, even if you do not think you will need to.
❚ Have a bag packed and readily accessible in an emergency. Keep originals or copies of important documents in a safe place to bring with you.
During a Violent Incident.
❚ If confronted, move to a room or area with easy access to an exit (not a bathroom, kitchen or anywhere near weapons).
❚ Identify the quickest ways out of the home (doors, windows, stairwell, etc.).
For more information on safety planning click here.
For a list of local, state, and national resources please click here.