5 Tips for Supporting a Loved One

At least one in three people experience intimate partner violence. When someone you care about is being harmed, it can feel difficult to know how to respond. Here are five tips from Doorways, Arlington’s comprehensive response to domestic and sexual violence.

Believe them. It is crucial to believe survivors. Avoid asking questions that cast doubt on the situation. Your loved one may have experienced gaslighting, a form of abuse that makes them doubt their own truth. By believing your loved one, you can help them reclaim their sense of self and their reality.

Listen without judgement. Know that there is no excuse for abuse. It can be helpful to remind your loved one that they did not say or do anything to deserve being mistreated. When in doubt about what to say or do, listen.

Support them in making their own decisions (even if you disagree). While it can be difficult to see someone you care about being hurt, you cannot “save” them from the situation. Be patient, even if they leave and return to the relationship. Understand that leaving is difficult, dangerous, and should not be forced. Safety planning is critical. 

Be there for your loved one through the ups and downs. Your loved one’s partner may attempt to drive a wedge between them and their support system, including you. Remind them that they are not alone. Navigating intimate partner violence is difficult, even after the relationship ends, especially because the abuse may continue. Your ongoing support can be a lifeline during these times.

Encourage them to seek further support. Advocates are available 24/7 on Doorways’ hotline (703-237-0881) to listen, talk, and provide information, support, safety planning, and referrals to services.

If you have questions or concerns about your relationship, or a loved one’s, we encourage you to contact Doorways’ hotline for support as well. We are here for you.